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I WANT MY FETUS TV!
Not to be outdone by the recent launch of Baby TV, Womb-edia has launched the Fetus Channel. This second entry into the under-one-year-old,  cable crowd is hoping to reach the choice unborn demographic.
“We saw an opportunity to connect with a really underserved niche and went for it,” said Womb-edia spokesman, C. Section.
The Fetus Channel will air a variety of programs from the cultural to the political. One offering is Classical Zygote, an hour-long junior version of the Baby Mozart musical series. Another is the womb-improvement show, Everyday Embryo, hosted by Martha Stewart, in which she demonstrates recipes like “10 Delicious Uses for Placenta” and displays handicrafts such as umbilical macramé. There is also the fitness show, In-Utero Kickboxing and the activist primer, You Have More Civil Rights Than Your Mother.
 The Fetus Channel intends to cover a lot of ground, but what they’re most excited about, Section said, is their “prenatarazzi” programming.
“In association with a leading medical manufacturer, we’ve developed the first Vagi-Cam©. This technology will enable us to air the most-exclusive footage of celebrity babies. We already have rights to film Baby Brangelina coming out of the womb.”
The show that uses this innovative micro-camera is called, First-Look and will feature celebrity host Gary Coleman positioned inside Angelina Jolie’s womb, giving contraction-by-contraction commentary as her baby is pushed into the blinding light of a hundred flashing cameras.
“Why wait until they’re tweens to show them what they’re missing? When they get a load of what Brad Pitt’s baby has waiting at the end of the canal their first word will surely be Stokke” — the brand-name for the new $800 baby stroller that’s a must-have for today’s newborn.
Other shows currently in the works for the channel  include the Jerry Bruckheimer-produced, CSI-like drama, Who’s Your Daddy, in which a forensic team determines questionable paternity, and the investment program Piggy Banks.
“The pilot for Piggy starred Suze Orman, but our test audience all ended up in breach births, so we’re trying out a host who is a little less frightening in a plushy suit,” Section remarked.
So far sales are brisk for the Fetus Channel’s companion CD of songs featuring new mother Brittney Spears crooning, “Nothing could be finer than to be in Mom’s vagina in the morning.”
A media-buyer from advertising giant Chait/Day said, “The Fetus Channel is the most important ad buy today’s savvy marketers can make. We recommend it for everyone from Coca Cola to Anheuser-Busch.”
Political consultant Mary Matalin adds, “The GOP will be sending a lot of ad dollars to Fetus in the next few decades. Early branding will help us keep the Democrats out of the white house. I mean, let’s face it, no fetus is pro-choice. And if we wait until they can think for themselves, we've already lost them.”
LAZY SUZANNE ARCHIVE -CURRENT- 2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12
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