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My six month long job search has been unfruitful in terms of securing employment. On the other hand, it has been eye-opening in regard to the realization that, as much as I have complained about some of my jobs in the past, nothing had prepared me for the idea that my former employers would turn out to be more appealing than any I would subsequently meet.

During my pursuit for work I have exchanged e-mail with prospective employers that has ranged from friendly and professional to terse and abusive. After sending a follow-up message to the editor of "Shape" magazine, with whom I had an exceedingly positive interview, I received a shocking "don't call us, we'll call you," reply. She didn't call.

Mostly, I get no response at all to the hundreds of resumes I have submitted online and otherwise. When I do actually get the infrequent reply which leads to an interview, the meetings are nerve-wracking and frustrating. Like the one I went to at the company 10%.com. They are an online retailer of gay-related bric-a-brac, like rainbow Menorahs, naked greeting cards and soft-core porn videos.

I put on my one decent job interview uniform and made it to Hollywood on time only to spend the bulk of an hour listening to my interviewer talk about himself. When he finally got around to the interview part, he asked me to describe my work.

"Don't you want to see my work? I have the portfolio you asked me to bring."

"Oh," he replied, somewhat surprised, "I guess we can do it that way."

As he looked at my portfolio he told me that 250 people had submitted resumes for the position.

"I've narrowed it down to 60, who I am interviewing this week. Then I'll have 35come back for second interviews and have them do presentations to the management staff." I don't know where he learned his time management skills, but I wish 10%.com luck if this guy is in charge of anything. In retrospect, I would have preferred no response to having wasted an afternoon I could have spent more fruitfully watching reruns of "Murder She Wrote" and "Matlock."

By far my most negative job search experience has been with a company called BizBuilder.com. They are printers and purveyors of mass-marketed business cards and stationery. I found their ad while search on the Monster.com web site. Here is the exchange that ensued:

Ad found during Monster.com search:

US-CA-Los Angeles-Freelance Graphic Design Artist

Freelance Graphic Design Artist:
This position requires extensive experience using the following Desktop Publishing Programs: Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Illustrator, Macromedia FreeHand and QuarkXpress. At the present time, we have a need for 5 additional designers to join our team of professionals. Compensation ranges from $24.95 - $99.95 per design project. Experienced designers who qualify for consideration with our company can earn between $100.00 to $250.00 daily [you must be very talented, and understand the constraints of production design]. At the present time, we have designers working with our company earning between $500.00 - 1,000.00 weekly.

Note that we receive hundreds of inquiries monthly for these positions, and generally hire 1-2 new designers each month [only the very best are selected for assignments]. Please do not inquire unless you are an experienced, and extremely talented, Graphic Design Artist.

First message sent by me. (My standard cover letter):

From: Suzanne Rush
To: employment@bizbuilder.com
Sent: Tuesday, September 25, 2001 7:09 AM
Subject: Freelance Graphic Design Artist
September 25, 2001

To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing in reference to your ad for a freelance graphic designer. I am an art director, designer, production manager and writer with over 20 years of experience working in publishing and advertising. I am looking for a position in graphics and publishing that will utilize both my creative and managerial skills.

Blah, blah blah, my standard information went here.

Thank you,
Suzanne Rush

Initial reply:

From: George Massalas
To: Suzanne Rush

Dear Candidate,
Thank you for your interest in our company and taking the time to respond to our advertisement listed in Monster.Com. Based upon the information you provided, we would like to have you take our "job test" which is required for employment. To proceed, please go directly to the "Freelance Graphic Design" position listed on our web site. You will then we taken through procedures to
take our test.

Once we've had a chance to review your submission, we'll be in touch with you if you have qualified for a position with our company. If, for some reason, your questions are not fully answered under this portion of our web site, please don't hesitate to contact me personally.

Sincerely,
BIZ Builder.Com
George L. Massalas, Jr.
President & CEO

The interminable instructions from their web site follow (highlights are mine):

FREELANCE GRAPHIC DESIGNER
General Information

Thank you for your interest in working for our company. We're pleased that you're interested in becoming part of our team by securing one of these outstanding Freelance Design positions.

Unlike most companies, we're not interested in your prior work history, or your resume. That's because in the world of professional designers, the "proof" of your talents will be very evident once we have an opportunity to review your work.

In order to know your talents, we ask that you take a "Job Test". (Suspiciously, "Job Test" is always in quotes.) If you are not a trained designer or "Power User" utilizing Adobe Photoshop and QuarkXpress, please do not waste your time [or ours] by submitting your design for our review and approval. Our Creative Services Department is comprised of 42 of some of this country's most talented artists and designers [many working for major companies like Walt Disney Studios, Universal Studios, Pixar, DreamWorks, etc.], and it will be very easy for them to recognize basic "desktop publishing" skills from true, innate talent.

If, on the other hand, you feel your skills deserve serious consideration by our Creative Services Department, here are a few major points to consider in completing your "Job Test":

First and foremost, please note that while your designs do not necessarily need to be done utilizing the Macintosh OS platform, given the choice, we would prefer to see your work submitted under this operating system.

In the event you are using a PC, please be absolutely certain to use only Adobe Fonts within Quark Express. Please send your finished files using QuarkXpress 4.0 or higher, if at all possible. Photoshop files [links] should designed in version 4.0 or higher, saving your linked files in .EPS format [with these additional settings: 8 Bit [Macintosh] for Mac's, and TIFF [for PC's], with the JPEG Maximum setting applied. This will help reduce your file sizes, and still maintain quality through our workflow.

For your convenience in completing this "Job Test", we recommend you download the following "Stuffit" file which contains the necessary files you will need in completing this test, including a Photoshop.PSD template file, and QuarkXpress templates for the Business Card, Letterhead and Envelope Designs. Guidelines are also set in each file to assist with design. Please keep all text [to be printed] within the boarders of these guidelines.

For sample designs of this "Job Test" that we considered "acceptable", please refer to this portion of our web site, where you will find several previously accepted designs of this "Job Test."

Note that all of the sample designs you see on our web site were completed within one hour or less by some of our regular full-time [as well as part-time]
designers. If you find that your "Job Test" project takes you considerably more than one hour to complete, don't be too discouraged. Most of our designers find that the more jobs they do, the easier and faster they are to complete [once you understand what it is that we're looking for].

We do recommend, however, that only "Power Users" seriously consider working for our company, due to the nature [high level of creativity and working knowledge of QuarkXpress and Photoshop] and job demands [24 hour turn around] on most projects assigned. If you're not a "Power User", you're likely to take much too much time designing, and end up working for less than minimum wage! Also, unless you have a trained eye for design [and understand process color printing from a technical standpoint], you're likely to be wasting your time with a design that's simply not up to our minimum standards. For this reason, we strongly recommend you study the sample designs BEFORE you begin your "Job Test". If you understand how they were built the way they were, and can appreciate the reasons for element placement, etc., then this just might be the "job of a lifetime" for you!

Keep in mind that our presses [4 total] are completely digital [Heidleberg GTO-DI], utilizing the standard CMYK color model. Please be certain NOT to include RGB, INDEX or other color models in your design, including Pantone "spot" colors. Only CMYK is acceptable for our production workflow. We recommend that you "Flight Check" your files prior to sending them to our department for review and approval. Quite simply, the less work we have to do in correcting your design, the more likely you are to be awarded a permanent position with our company.

Finally, as soon as you have completed your "Job Test", please send the following completed files [compressed using "Stuffit"] via email to employment@bizbuilder.com:
|
- One [1] Business Card.QXD file
- One [1] Letterhead.QXD file
- One [1] Envelope.QXD file
- All related links [.EPS files], fonts, etc. Note: PC Users need not send fonts, provided their submitted Quark file has been built using Adobe fonts.

Provided we accept your design [and offer you future work], we'd like to have you mail us your .PSD files [which can be considerably larger than 5 megs] weekly on a Zip Disk [we will return this disk to you via First Class Mail] along with your weekly check for jobs completed during the previous week. Our mailing address is:

BIZ Builder.Com
Attn: Creative Services Department
5394 Seneca Place
Simi Valley, CA 93063

Lastly, if you have any questions pertaining to this "Job Test", feel free to call us at 1-800-727-2100, or email us at employment@bizbuilder.com . Thank you and good luck!

Did you get all that? Here are the "acceptable design" examples:

Now, here is the work description for the actual "test."

Product Ordered:
Full-Color Business Card, Logo, Letterhead & Envelope Design

NOTE: You Will Not Be Compensated For This Job Test. For future projects of
this kind, you will be compensated $24.95 per design.

Information To Include In Design:
Hire Source Personnel Services, LLC
Frank W. Colbert, Sr., CEO
805-726-7019
805-726-9019 Fax
P.O. Box 1379
Lancaster, CA 93584-1379
"A Skilled Trades Staffing Firm"

Overview:
Our customer is a placement firm for building contractors, roofers, and other skilled tradesmen.

Design:
Incorporate a collage of building contractors, roofers, and other tradesmen into design. We need a professional, distinguished look for this job. We suggest a collage that does not take up the entire card's design, but adds color and strong design to the card's overall appearance. Tasteful, yet colorful. Your logo design should be strong and commanding, compelling prospective customers to use our customer based solely on your design.

Your design elements used on the business card should also be incorporated into the letterhead/envelope design, as well.

Turn-Around:
For this special "Job Test", you will have 72 hours to complete this project from the time you review this screen [we will be able to tell that you have "hit" this page, and notate this accordingly in your application file/s].

Questions?
Call us directly at 1-800-727-2100 referencing this "Job Test". Thank you.

It seemed to me, after reading what the test entailed, that their expectations were farcical. It takes more than an hour to design a toilet roll pattern. Further, it takes much longer than that to create a professional photo collage — not to mention an original logo. At the rate of $24.95 per design, one would indeed be working for less than minimum wage -- because 25¢ per hour is still less -- if they really wanted to create a fine design. Finally, it was clear that they were not looking for freelancers as much as they were looking for subcontractors who would work on spec. The very wording in their "test" implies that they will only pay for work they like.

Yet, desperation is a powerful motivator, so I spent two hours online looking for photos since neither myself, nor anyone I know, routinely keeps high-resolution artwork of construction workers around the house. I was already over my time limit, but I was still game. Then it occurred to me that the company must provide this artwork, since buying it (at $250 per disc) would cost me more than I would get from selling them a design. I couldn't imagine they could purport to hire freelancers and not provide any tools, since I had never encountered that
situation in over 20 years of working.

So I wrote this e-mail:

From: Suzanne Rush
To: George Massalas
Sent: Thursday, September 27, 2001 8:00 AM
Subject: Re: Freelance Graphic Design Artist - Question

Dear Mr. Massalas:
I've read all the directions and time limits of your freelancer test and understand them. I am wondering where I am supposed to get the photography and art for the trial design. I could download comps from the web, but I don't own any of that artwork. Do you have stock art you provide? Let me know. The clock is ticking. I only have 36 hours left.

—Suzanne Rush
srush@earthlink.net

The reply was immediate and brief:

From: George Massalas
To: Suzanne Rush

Suzanne,
We do not provide you with the tools to be in business for yourself. Computers, software, and design elements [photos, etc.] are the responsibility of the company [you] we are considering contracting services from.

Sincerely,
BIZ Builder.Com
George L. Massalas, Jr.
President & CEO

So, now I'm in business for myself, I'm "the company," and no longer a potential employee of their company. I almost went on with the test. As I said, desperation can overwhelm reason. But, after speaking to some colleagues at a freelance job where I work much too infrequently (for $400 per day, on site, using their equipment and supplies, by the way), they reminded me that this is not how it works — not when you are a professional with two decades of experience. Plus, George's tone was a bit too condescending for me to let it go.

I responded:

From: Suzanne Rush
To: George Massalas
Sent: Thursday, September 27, 2001 9:13 PM
Subject: Re: Freelance Graphic Design Artist - Question

Dear George:
You are misrepresenting your company by asking for freelance "employees" in your ad when what you really want are graphic designers to try to sell you artwork on spec, and you'll decide if you want it or not. Freelance "employees" are hired at a flat or hourly rate to produce work for which the employer usually provides artwork, logos, a place to work, or something more substantial that what you are offering. You need to rewrite your ad.

Also, it takes more than an hour just to find artwork to put into a collage. Your time limits are absurd. Plus, if you're not paying for the time anyway, it's none of your business how long it takes someone to earn the money.

—Suzanne Rush

Once again the reply came quickly:

Susan, (note misspellings)
Given the fact that we have nearly 40 designers all earning between $500 - $1,000 weekly (My note: $1,000 would require producing 38.53 designs in a week. I calculate that even a very fast designer would need two to three hours to complete a collage, business card and stationery. That would come out to 96 hours, on average, for a total wage of $10.41 an hour — minus sales and income taxes) [on a freelance basis], I'm affraid your evaluation is grossly inaccurate. As a Freelance Designer, either for our company ... or any company seeking Independent Contractors, you would be required to have your own supplies, equipment, etc.

I have been in the design business for nearly 25 years, and am very aware of rates, etc. I also know how to make money [for both our company, and those who work with us].

Since you're obviously one of the 800+ designers who have inquired on our Monster ad seeking work that we will not be hiring, I wish you the very best of luck in finding your next assignment.

Sincerely,
BIZ Builder.Com
George L. Massalas, Jr.
President & CEO

I was tempted to reply, but figured that arguing semantics with an self-deluded prick like George was a waste of time. It seems that as times get tougher, graphic design jobs more often resemble those of third-world garment industry workers. I don't know what lies in my future, but I am certain it will not be designing generic stationery for exploitative mass marketers while psychically handcuffed to my Macintosh. As more Americans become unemployed in this new-millennium depression, I will have a growing group of comrades with whom to commiserate at the local coffee house. At this point, if I knew how to make a decent latte, I might just apply for a job there. It could turn out to be the "job of a lifetime."

October 17 , 2001 © Suzanne Rush 2001

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