November 8, 2005

Although viewers who tuned in to CNN’s “News Night” on November 2, 2005, may have been aware that Aaron Brown had been dismissed earlier that day — I mean, that he left to spend more time with his family — they were probably not prepared to watch that talking monkey, Rick Sanchez, occupying the former anchor’s chair.

CNN/U.S. president, Jonathan Klein, who took over one year ago is the fifth or sixth (one loses count) top banana at the network in the last five years. Klein initially claimed he would stop CNN’s milking of sensational celebrity stories for ratings, to reach for a more highfalutin journalistic ideal. He then sent, at least, 20 journalists to Santa Maria, CA to cover the Michael Jackson trial for the duration. Much like a Kansas school administrator abandoning the dry logic of evolution for the popular fantasy of creationism, he has now foisted the constantly-mugging Sanchez on the news-watching public in favor of the erudite Brown.

CNN, which had lagged in the ratings for years, with their disappointing parade of politically toothless chit-chat and Scott Petersen obsessions, had recently redeemed itself through their excellent reporting in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. They spent two months on the sodden ground in the Gulf States bringing the country the freshest, most powerful coverage of the disaster.

During those scant months, anchor, Anderson Cooper was instrumental in getting CNN’s balls back. With his pointed questioning of officials, and the shedding of real, human tears on air — like a fey Gray Davis — he emerged as a star. Now Cooper will take over the “News Night” slot. Though he is worthy in many respects, inserting him into Brown’s spot will be like sending in a humorless crybaby to do a clever man’s work. It would be a better service to keep both.

Yes, Aaron Brown was sometimes arrogant and snarky, with a penchant for high-handedness similar to George Sanders’ in All About Eve. But his intelligence was keenly appreciated by viewers who needed an antidote to the embarrassing hijinks of local newscasters and rabid national pundits on conservative cable stations. Even Klein admitted he was a “brilliant writer” who was respected “throughout the industry.” Interestingly, the very qualities of intelligence and sarcasm Brown embodies, are the same ones that make the comedic, The Daily Show, the news program most trusted by America’s youth.

Still, Jonathan Klein, like Walter Isaacson and Jamie Kellner before him, seems to have abandoned the discerning viewer to instead, promote a cult of whirling graphics and “real” personalities. If the other personalities on the rise at CNN are anything like the blandly dull Paula Zahn, the Dr. Laura of lawyers, Nancy Grace, or that aping nitwit, Rick Sanchez — who once shocked himself with a stun-gun on television — the viewing public may all be begging for tasers in the very near future.

On the other hand, as one CNN staffer said about the inane changes brought about by this most recent network boss, "This, too, shall pass."

 October 27, 2005

Charge It, Again

LA County voters have a raft of propositions to vote on in the upcoming special election on November 8. One of them is a local measure, LAUSD-Y: the Safe and Healthy Neighborhood Schools Repair and Construction Measure. Measure Y would allow for the sale of $3.985 billion in bonds to upgrade the infrastructure of and technology in city schools, with no money allotted for administrator’s salaries.

According to the League of Women Voters website, virtually every election since 1989 has had either a state proposition calling for billions of dollars in bond sales for schools, or a local provision allowing for individual school districts to raise hundreds of thousands in the same manner. (That is as far back as they provide online statistics.)

It is true that the infamous Proposition 13, the Howard Jarvis Act of 1978s, lowered property taxes by about 57%. So drastic was this cut that schools began to feel the pinch — or, at least, that is one story. Another story is that Californians are not undertaxed at all. According to the conservative Cato Institute’s data from the late ‘90s, the state and local tax burden today in California is 11.7 percent of personal income, compared with a national average of 11.5 percent.

Still, one wonders why schools, and other vital aspects of the state infrastructure, are so frequently funded with bonds and not with tax money. Bond measures are, after all, just a way of putting off paying the piper — like a big, fat, statewide credit card. When bonds come due, with their favorable to the buyer interest rates, the state has to find a way to pay them off. And the way California is paying seems to be by cutting school and other essential budget times on a regular basis, and then raising the money for those same services through more costly bond measures.

Unfortunately, a no vote, on LAUSD-Y, which would be fiscally responsible, will cut off needed money for Californians, who rank near the bottom of the nation in educational spending per child. On the other hand, a yes vote perpetuates the robbing Peter to pay Paul fiscal irresponsibility of the state. But, what choice do concerned citizens have who want kids to get modern computers or even plumbing that works? As usual, none.

 October 20, 2005

Past-Life Party Favors

With little variation, whenever someone claims to remember a past life it is likely to be that of an Egyptian queen, a knight in a medieval court or the associate of a notorious criminal. The desire for fame is so pervasive in our society, that even in our past lives — or particularly within that realm, depending on one’s current status — we aspire to be special.

Of course, far more people built the pyramids than were laid to rest inside them. Many more folks toiled as serfs than lived in castles. And for every infamous Billy the Kid, there were ten thousand forgotten dirt farmers shooting themselves in the foot.

Still, there are myriad human accomplishments for which one might take credit when reporting a reincarnation memory during your regular, Friday night, Ouija Board party. (It’s more fun that poker. Really. Wait until they put it on cable.) Here is a handy list of discoveries that someone had to make— and moreover, one filled with firsts you can claim as your own that will dazzle your friends without alerting them to the fact that you are entirely full of shit.

1. You were the first Neanderthal to discover that onions taste great with Bronto burgers. One night, after a successful hunt, you started a fire near a wild onion patch. Once the yak, mastodon or giant sloth (you can ad lib here) was cooked and served-up, your inadvertent culinary innovation made you the Julia Child of the flat-forehead set.

2. In ancient Egypt, you were the first human to make that tst-tst sound that still reigns supreme as the international call to felines. Even thousands of years before the birth of Christ there were crazy cat ladies.

3. You were the ingenious prohibition-era visionary who invented the rules of the road for automobiles that are still in use today. Henry Ford gets all the credit for modern auto-motion, but someone else had to decide who goes first when four people reach the stop sign at the same instant.

4. You were the gothic mason who designed the first gargoyle. Coming off a bad trip induced by eating ergot-laced rotten grain all winter, and having some pretty gnarly hallucinations as a result, you started carving the creatures you had been seeing in your head. Who knew your nightmares would become an architectural trend?

5. You discovered meringue. Yes, as a baker for a French court, you were messing around with some leftover egg whites one day, when you were called away to put out a kitchen fire. Hours later, when you finally got back to your whipped whites, they were as hard as a rock. But you were hungry and chipped off a piece to pop into your mouth. Voila! A taste sensation. (Note: Someone else probably invented lemon curd. Don't be greedy when taking imgainary credit.)

There are many unsung heroes who have changed the way humans live, in small, but enduring ways. You may have been one of them — or not. However, probably no one who gets their spiritual information from a Parker Bros. toy that costs $17.99 will think to question your claims.

an endless stream of over-dressed people making podium speeches and tacky song and dance acts. Of course, no actual awards would be handed out, but it would be a last hurrah of sorts for people like Barry Williams, Stella Stevens and Mary Lou Rettin

 October 10, 2005

I’ve long joked about producing an evening of variety entertainment, which I refer to as, The Night of a Thousand Has-Beens. I’d always imagined it would be hosted by Pia Zadora and Jaleel White (who played Urkel on Family Matters). They would begin the evening by singing something like a medley of “There’s No Business Like Show Business” and “Ebony and Ivory. The format would loosely resemble an awards show, complete with a red carpet entrance, an endless stream of over-dressed people making podium speeches and tacky song and dance acts. Of course, no actual awards would be handed out, but it would be a last hurrah of sorts for people like Barry Williams, Stella Stevens and Mary Lou Rettin.

Perhaps the window of opportunity for this type of extravaganza has passed. First of all, former celebrities who used to go off to set up pet shelters in small towns — and leave the public to wonder “what ever happened to them” — have now found new lives parodying themselves on reality television shows. For example, on their VH1 program “My Fair Brady,” Chris Knight and Florence Henderson reenact a facsimile of their Mother and son television roles in which Henderson gives Knight psychological advice about his new relationship with a much younger girlfriend. Or, how about Danny Bonaduce’s, “Breaking Bonaduce,” in which he takes a camera into his marriage counseling sessions to expose the kind of ugly, real-life dysfunction no one could make up. (Too bad Florence Henderson isn’t Danny’s counselor. Think of the possibilities.)

For those without the nerve or lack of esteem to bare themselves, doogie-poo-and-all, Osbourne-style on reality shows, there is yet another venue: Larry King Live on CNN. Where else can one tune in to see the geriatric and mean-spirited Jerry Lewis being treated like he’s still the funniest man alive? Who, but Larry would have the nerve to celebrate the nuptials of Liza Minnelli and her obviously gay husband — on more than one occasion, and without irony? And who, but the man who foisted Nancy Grace on the unsuspecting public, is so interested in the wives, children and parents of dead or washed-up stars that he has spent the golden years of his career interviewing them?

If ever there was to be a Night of a Thousand Has-Beens, Larry King’s recent 25-year Anniversary party, held at Spago Restaurant, was surely it. There were some who likely couldn’t be taken off of life-support or leave their rehabs, in order to attend, but here’s who came:

Clay Aiken, Valerie Allen, Tom Arnold, Marcia Clark, Joan Dangerfield (wife of deceased Rodney), Angie Dickenson, Barbara Eden, Farrah Fawcett, Mark Geragos, Kathy Griffin, Josh Grobin, Merle Haggard, Terri Hatcher, Tippi Hedren, Marilu Henner, Dennis Hopper, Joe Jackson, Jermaine Jackson, LaToya Jackson (but not Michael), Jenny Jones, Wynonna Judd, Frank Langella, Cloris Leachman (hey, how did she get on this list), Richard Lewis, Ian McShane, Jayne Meadows, Mike and Irena Medavoy, Donna Mills, Poppy Montgomery, Paul Reiser, Eva Marie Saint, Connie Seleca, Tony Shaloub, Bob Shapiro, William Shatner, Joe and Tina Simpson (Jessica and Ashlee’s parents), Tina Sinatra, Anna Nicole Smith, Suzanne Sommers, Connie Stevens, Rod Stewart, John Tesh, Alan Thicke, Tanya Tucker, Lindsay Wagner, Raquel Welch and Warren G.

All I want to know is, who the hell forgot to invite David Gest and Elizabeth Smart’s parents? And, more importantly, why, oh why, wasn’t the whole thing on TV? 

 August 30, 2005

Requiem for a National Dream

Apparently, the man who Ohio put into the White House is bent on destroying America’s National Parks along with Social Security, the economy and scientific education eveywhere. A Bush administration employee, Paul Hoffman — a deputy assistant secretary at Interior and former Dick Cheney Congressional aide, has recently rewritten the national park system’s management policy. His revisions would allow snowmobiles, JetSkis and off-road vehicles to tear up the surf and turf of these natural jewels. Furthermore, he would allow the sale of religious merchandise in the parks, and he would like to see more commercial enterprises operating in the parks.

This kind of a change in the stewardship of places like Yosemite, Yellowstone, Bandelier and the Grand Canyon could lead to vast destruction of pristine lands through rough use — not to mention Golden Arches popping up among thousand-year-old redwood forests.

Check out the National Parks Conservation Association website to take action on the misuse of the National Parks. Also, don’t elect any more Republicans for president. The U.S. will require at least two decades to recover from the destruction caused by the one we have in office now.

Also, Save Energy Damnit!

If the size of the hurricanes in the Gulf of Mexico, caused by super-heated water, otherwise known as global warming, scares you, then please do your part to keep things cool. The World Wildlife Fund has some simple ideas you can implement on a daily basis, including:

Turn your computer off overnight and put it into a power save mode. A standard monitor left on overnight uses enough energy to print 5,300 copies. (Pounds of CO2 Savings Per Year = 950)

Drive 15 miles less each week. Shrink your gas costs and your waistline by walking, biking and taking public transportation. (Pounds of CO2 Savings Per Year = 900)

Wash cloths in cold or warm water. Skip the hot water on 2 loads per week. You'll save energy and should have less wrinkled cloths. (Pounds of CO2 Savings Per Year = 500)

 August 18, 2005

Getting What He Wants

The Rolling Stones are on tour for the zillionth time this summer. Despite the alleged rightward slant of the American political body, their new song, “Sweet Neo Con,” isn’t keeping the public from spending hundreds of dollars on tickets for the sold-out shows.

Though Stones frontman, Mick Jagger, claims the song is not a referendum on George Bush and his war of choice in Iraq, lyrics like “How come you’re so wrong? My sweet neo-con, where’s the money gone, in the Pentagon,” or “It’s liberty for all, democracy’s our style, unless you are against us, then it’s prison without trial,” seem to tell a different story.

That’s why it’s odd that Republican Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger has decided to use the Stones U.S. tour as a moneymaker for the GOP. At their first show at Fenway, in Boston, MA, the best seats are going to supporters of the Gov. for $10,000 (the low end) and up, per seat. Those who can pony up $100,000 per ticket will not only see the show from the front row, but also get to hang out with Arnold and meet Mick backstage.

None of this is allegedly profiting The Stones, because Ameriquest Mortgage, the tour’s sponsor and one of the Governor’s frequent donors, owns the 36 front row and luxury box tickets.

Seemingly, for the sake of money, each party is turning a blind eye to what they find reprehensible about the others. Mick gets the sponsorship and Arnold gets the dough plus another chance to grandstand. But why is he doing this fundraiser in Boston and not at the Hollywood Bowl in Ca-lee-for-nee-ah? Maybe it’s just that you can’t always get what you want — but if you’re willing to sell your soul, you might just get what you need.

 June 2005

The Dowing Street Memo
(Guest Editorial)
Where is the outrage over the ‘Downing Street Memo' in this country? Why aren't people being transported by the busload to the Capitol for a march on the White House? As most of you read this you are probably asking yourselves, “what is this guy talking about?” The memo mentioned is from the official minutes of a meeting between English Prime Minister, Tony Blair and members of his Cabinet. It is dated July 23, 2002 and this date is important.

In the memo you will find evidence that: the Bush administration was planning to go to war with Iraq; that "the NSC had no patience with the UN route"; and most importantly, that the justification for war was to be Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD) and that "the intelligence and facts were being fixed around the policy." Stated plainly, the facts were made to fit the [predetermined] policy [to go to war under any circumstances]. In other words, this country was lied into war with Iraq! Remember I said the date was important? All this was being discussed eight months before the attack on Iraq.

This story broke in the Times of London on May 1, 2005. So why haven't we all heard of this outrageous little memo from Britain? Why hasn't it been the number one story on every newscast for the last month? Why hasn't it been the front page story on every newspaper for at the very least ONE day? Why is this not considered newsworthy by the U.S. media? I can't answer these questions, but perhaps our legislators can. Perhaps we ought to write them a little note and ask them. Perhaps.

—Michael Rush, June 2005

NOTE: If the ‘Dowing Street Memo’ makes you think, ‘Gulf of Tonkin,’ then you’re probably on to something. Please join United States Representative John Conyers, Jr. (D), in asking President Bush for some honest answers about this grave matter. And sign the petition.

 June 2005

Here's a crock of shit from op-ed columnist, David Brooks, in the New York Times (June 2, 2005):