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 October 20, 2004

Dear Undecided Voters Both Muggle and Magical,
The fate of the country is in your hands. I thought I’d help you make up your minds because, well, face it, we're running out of time and the future of the free world is at stake. So, let me make this a simple decision for you by pointing out some clear differences between the candidates. Even though you think Mr. Gryffindor and Mr. Slytherin are essentially the same, they are not.

For instance, did you know that, while both the Gryffindor and Slytherin candidates graduated from Hogwarts, the former delivered his class’s commencement speech while the latter left those hallowed halls unable to string a dozen words together without a grammatical gaffe? After Hogwarts, Mr. G. volunteered to fight He Who Must Not Be Named. Mr. S. instead, joined the Supernatural Guard and spent most of his days loafing around Diagon Alley getting drunk.

As an adult, Mr. G. began a life of public service. As a Senator in the Ministry of Magic, he dedicated his energy to passing legislation to balance the budget, get more Dementors onto the streets (where needed), give all children health care (and Bertie Bott's Every-Flavored Beans), promote equality for Mudbloods and to increase veteran’s benefits and the minimum wage.

Mr. S began his career in business where he ran one company after another into the ground. As the owner of a Qudditch team, he built a stadium to promote his club with public money on public land (from which many were evicted with little or no compensation). Later, he sold his team, put his millions of galleons into Gringott’s and followed his father, Lucius, into government service. He became governor of his home state, and proceeded to pass legislation that would lead to the poorest air quality in the nation and obliterate many services for the poor. According to the Daily Prophet, he was also known for his lack of mercy, approving the execution of the largest number of criminals in modern history.

Mr. S. was elected to the Presidency of the Ministry four years ago. Though he did not win the popular vote and took office only through the grace of five partisan judges, he did not let this hinder him in taking the role of activist. For instance, when the forces of evil attacked the country, he decided to wage a war against a much less able enemy than the one that had attacked. To do so he had to make up a lot of stories about how this lesser country had weapons that could annihilate the world. Once his troops got there, they found out his tales were untrue, but by then it was too late to do anything but save face by making sure to suck as much Nimbus 3000 fuel from the ground as possible — which was why we were there anyway.

Yes, Mr. G. made the mistake of believing Mr. S. and helped to give him the power to wage the erroneous war. But Mr. G. is no longer fooled, and, if elected, will get the nation’s troops out of harm's way.

While Mr. S has been in office, he has enacted tax cuts for the wealthiest people in the country at a time when the poorest have had to do with less, allowed the degradation of the environment, proposed privatizing the system that returns to retirees some of the money they’ve paid in payroll taxes over the years (an act that will wipe out this service, sooner rather than later) and accused anyone who does not agree with him of being unpatriotic and in cahoots with the enemy.

If Mr. G. is elected, he promises to cut taxes for those who actually need it, sign onto international protocols for a cleaner environment and keep the retirement system as it is – a guaranteed income for old age. He further proposes to help provide medical coverage to everyone in the nation – something Mr. S. eschews.
You see, in the end it is simple. Mr. G represents honor and the National Dream, while Mr. S represents a cold, pitiless future with no middle class that he likes to call progress. The choice is clear. Gryffindor for President!

Sincerely,
Hermione Granger

 October 13, 2004

1. Lack of Compassion in all its forms. Thinking that God’s love is only for heterosexuals — particularly those who believe in putting the rights of unborn lives ahead of the living— is a display of a compassion deficit. Believing that the only difference between your good luck in life and someone else’s bad luck is your superior ability to pull yourself up by your bootstraps when others are probably just lazy, is merely simplistic thinking and lack of empathy. Feeling righteous about paying those who do society’s most grueling tasks the least amount of money – less money than one can afford to pay for those services – is not smart business, it is disrespect for humanity.

2. Fear of National Healthcare. In The Rainmaker, one of the many film adaptations of a John Grisham novel, John Voight, playing a big-time evil lawyer addresses a jury who is about to decide the amount of damages against an insurance company that denied a claim to a boy dying of leukemia. He warns them that if they decide to award a pile of dough to the plaintiff they are threatening the healthcare industry, as we know it, and moving the country closer to nationalized health care. Is that supposed to be a threat? Given the lack of adequate care for much of the country’s citizens, the fact that only the employed are covered and that even employers increasingly can’t pay the astronomical premiums needed to insure their workers, national health care should be something everyone is looking forward to receiving. What is there to fear? That one won’t get the same stellar service they get from their restrictive HMO plan? That their taxes will go up? If corporations were taxed in the amount they would be paying into health services, it would be a wash. Heck, if corporations were paying the taxes they already owe it would be a wash and they could keep those health care premiums to help create more and better-paying (see above) jobs.

3. The Vision Thing. Once there were leaders like the Kennedy brothers who inspired the country with their rhetoric. They appealed to the best in people, urged them to give more, care more, and change for the better. Now America has leaders who inspire fear and loathing and appeal to their countrymen's basest instincts. While it can be said that the current political situation is so dire that dwelling on what is wrong is a legitimate way to create change, it seems that this is an obviously failed concept. Dwelling on what is wrong with the current administration and government only seems to inspire constituencies to become more entrenched in their “no I’m not, you are” routines. In Alcoholics Anonymous, they have a strict rule of “attraction rather than promotion.” In other words, they do not proselytize, they just live well and hope to inspire by example. Who in America would not benefit from changing the rhetoric from proselytizing about negative affects to envisioning and working towards positive ones? It is not that no one should mention what is wrong, but the country is drowning in the cynicism that comes from knowing what is wrong and feeling powerless to change it. It is time to revive the vision thing and beginning running toward something worthwhile rather than just running away from something fetid.

 July 21, 2004

1. My parents narrowly escaped having their home burn to the ground this week. They live in Acton, CA where the so-called “Crown Fire” has been raging. Luckily, between winds pushing the flames away from their property and the impressive work of LA County firefighters, their home was saved. Financially speaking, losing their house and possessions would have been a disaster from which my parents would never have recovered. This is because the insurance company, Allstate, with whom they insured their house for over twenty years, dropped them two years ago after they made their second legitimate, non-disaster-related claim. Not only were they dropped and told they couldn’t re-apply for four years, but no other insurance company will now touch them. After this recent fire, it will likely be even more difficult to find an insurer. But this is not their problem alone. Insurance company troubles plague many throughout the state. A recent California Assembly bill, which would have barred insurers from refusing to sell or renew homeowners' polices because of damage caused by natural disasters was voted down this past June. Insurance Commissioner John Garamendi said the bill would have helped eliminate a "use-it-and-lose-it syndrome, " — the fear that homeowners have of filing claims because they could have their insurance policies revoked. Something is wrong with this way of doing business.

2. After calling Michael Moore a “great American patriot,” and encouraging an audience at the Aladdin hotel and casino in Las Vegas, where she was performing, to see Moore’s film, Fahrenheit 9/11, singer Linda Ronstadt was booed and thrown out of the hotel. Aladdin President Bill Timmins made the decision to oust her from the hotel — not even allowing her to go back to her room — after half the audience allegedly walked out of the concert. Whether or not she deserved to be fired, Ronstadt did not deserve to be thrown out of the hotel. If that’s how Timmins treats people at the Aladdin, it’s no wonder they’re on the verge of bankruptcy. Boycott anyone?

3. The new crop of magazines, like In Style (which has been around for 10 years, but has become ever more crass), Lucky and Cargo, that exist only to push consumer goods, is a another disgusting example of how Americans are treated as if they exist only to buy more stuff. There is not one article or picture spread in these rags that doesn’t provide complete information on how to purchase the products shown or described. This is the magazine-as-catalog form of publishing. There was a time when publications considered editorial and advertising functions to be separate endeavors. Though the line between the two has always been crossed, in the form of advertorials or the well-placed plug for a big advertiser, these new magazines have refined the old relationships by eliminating the need for editorial credibility whatsoever. Even the letters to the editor seem contrived, and almost every one is printed with an editor’s reply that informs readers, once again, about the prices of products and where to get them. I’m waiting for the publishing world to figure out that they can pay authors of fiction to do product placement in their novels. Don’t laugh; it’s not that far-fetched.

 FEBRUARY 23, 2004                                                                             

Teachers Just Can't Get No Respect

Community colleges in California are experiencing some unpleasant consequences resulting from the state's fiscal crisis. These range in severity from a lack of adequate bathroom facilities and fee hikes to an apparent epidemic of despondence among the instructors. Case in point, I am taking two courses at a community college in Los Angeles, and both of my teachers were compelled to reveal on the first night of the semester that they were not being paid to teach before the minute hand reached the three-quarter mark and did not intend to speak until that exact moment. It is worrisome that none of the clocks on the campus seem to work, or to be set accurately when they do, so that these clock-watching teachers can properly decide when it is worth their while to begin pontificating. I am particularly concerned about the mental state of my history teacher. During our first session he managed to tell enough personal anecdotes to make it clear that he liked camping and the company of his male friends and he disliked the state's new governor, modern music and all the films produced by Disney. Plus, it seems, his marriage is not doing well. "You know," he said referring to his wife, "when they want to marry you they act like everything is okay. Now, she tells me, she never liked going camping with me all those years and only did it for our boys." That seemed sad. Sad too, was his announcement that he would always arrive at class on time since his mother-in-law lived with him and he left home hours early to avoid her. I don't know why his wife or her mother would be such a source of discomfort for him, or treat him with such disrespect that he needed to flee his own home. What's not to respect? After all, he has written all the textbooks for the course he's teaching. Admittedly, none of them are properly bound and resemble the kind of thing one would self-publish with a photocopy machine at Kinko's. Still, a book is a book. Certainly the cost of the texts, between $25 and $55 each, should make it clear that these are real books and that my professor is a real author. One of these "books" is a regular history text, more or less. The second is an anthology of articles he had previously published, here recopied almost-legibly into one booklet. The third is a collection of his salacious, short, fictional stories. He informed us that one sixth of our grade will result from successfully reviewing these stories. One wonders if his wife would respect him more if he let her read all the reviews he makes his students write about his self-published fiction, or if nothing can convince her that he was worth all the squatting in the woods she reluctantly endured. Surely, his choice to present his own fiction about California, rather than say, John Steinbeck's, is one that shows his work ranks up there with more well-known authors. Maybe she has not seen, as the class did during its second session, the mostly-irrelevant, TV documentary about the life of Zorro that features a cameo by our esteemed professor. If only she saw him as the class does from precisely 6:45 to 9:45 p.m. (and not a moment sooner), surrounded by the fruits of his intellectual labors, lecturing on the high cost of self-publishing, in a building that does not have working toilets — maybe then she would know exactly what kind of a man she married and show him the respect he is due.

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